Sunday, August 6, 2017

I cant find myself

Why love have to be so painful?

Why do the skies and rainbows
have to make me sail the stormy sea,
all the time?

To whom should I explain that I'm tired?
Why the same sky never brought me
an ear to listen
and a shoulder for support?

Im tired.

I'm a normal woman, afterall.

Bit by bit, I have lost the old me.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

If I could capture
the colors that enveloped the evening,
The magic.
The absolute beauty.

Transfixed I am,
to the dance of the colors
that painted the sky.

The moon came.
after the world has chosen to fade away,
It was a little chaotic, but He made it safe and sound.
Closing my eyes, I sway..
To the rhythm of waves
The music starts to fade,
As I slowly slip into the lullaby,
and live those emotions,
The salty breeze
brings back the sweet memories

If only,
I could freeze that time
And save that nothingness moment

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

You, and I

You be the kissing blossoms,
I’ll be the sipping fragrance
You say all the cynical jokes,
I’ll be the laughter that rings in the air
You'll be the script,
I, the writer of the story
You be the pixie dust,
I’ll be the magic spell
You be the colors,
I’ll be the rainbow
You be the dark black ink,
That spells all the romantic words.

I’ll be the cursive writing,
That adds beauty to your song.
Together, we could be a poem,
With all the perfections.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Not all Dads are the best dad, like Mine

What a life without pain and grief?
A world with immature, not wise humans.

Meeting an uncle whose daughter was in relationship with a person that I had a complicated relationship is unforgettable.

I did had a thought of why he keep asking about that guy each time he meets me. Well, if he meets me, he should ask about me. To be obedient, I always feed him the answer eventhough it irritates me.

At first, when he asked me, I was shy but I realised he knew our relationship and accepted it.

Until few days back when I met him. He asked about me, and again running back to the same scenario, how is him and what is he doing.

What He did not know is that I am over it. I left because I saw as I'm not the One in his life..
There is pain where words plastered on it
There is tears where smiles plastered on it
There is hollowness where yet to be cemented.
Yet we move on and show we are strong and survived.

To his question, I answered and he replied,' Yes, my daughter also said the same, he is ba, bla, bla'.

Where it went wrong?
I admit I am possessive, and I don't believe in friendship after break up. This where my problem lies.

Answer me, will you accept to be a man's partner if you find he still keep her things and asking you to accept them? Then, you are not the One and he is not over it.

The answer that uncle gave me just tore off the little faith that I had. I got the answer of why he kept asking me about that guy.

He knew about him and his whereabouts through his daughter and yet he asked. Maybe he wants them to patch up. I assume. Don't blame me.
And, definitely as a father he is sad that his daughter had a broken heart. That was six years ago.

Would he be happy is her daughter in relationship, yet his daughter's boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's dad told her the same? That they are still in contact? And he is still checking on their relationship is good a(as friend or whatever you wanna say)? And he is happy that are still keeping in touch?

He may grief for his daughter and I felt a pang in my heart for his words. He wants his daughter to be happy.

Didn't he think that I'm also another man's daughter? I'm like one of his daughter?

All the incident mentioned took place in a temple. I closed my eyes, uttered Gods' name to give me strength and accepted that it's all His way of highlighting things to me.

Not all Dads are the best dad, like mine. Others' kids are also his kids.

Friday, December 19, 2014

The book that suprised me :)

Lately, I'm stuffing myself with books. Yes. There are too many books that I haven't touched. And they are collecting dust.

Plus, true readers will always read the book before presenting to someone, and another true book worm would definitely understand that no one can give without knowing the story. And they don't get offended over yellow stained pages :).  That is, we are.

i have never read book by Malaysian author. I do not know why. Maybe they were not famous and that I know none of them. Till I realised I actually bought a book by Malaysian author, The Flight of The Swan by D. Devika Bai. Before proceeding I asked myself if I want to read the book (I see now that I have little confidence in Malaysian author writing a good story).

The story started about a war in Killa (I feel boring) and I thought if it is going to be about war the whole story, I should just put down the book. I thank God I did not make such wrong move. The story was incredibly rich with culture and history. I just fallen in love with how the story goes.

The story covered up to four generations with first Captain Bhonsle in Killa running with his parents and new wife to another place when the Rani was killed. From there, the story of his kids and grandsons took place. When the Rani died, a flight of swans flew over on the sky. And, the story was busied on Captain Ramdas Bhonsle's life. The farm life they had in Champakapur and the love between his wife and him. The love was not told by describing on the physique but rather on the pure love of husband and wife. It was a wonderful read.

Imagining Penang in my greatgrandparents era made wonders too. It was not easy to imagine with many bushes and grasses and one beautiful point: the author wrote on the close relation among Malay, Indian and Chinese at that time. To be honest, something that has died in between us.

The bad habit that I have, whenever I certain books and I find it draggy, I will jump to the ending and read them, then continue back from where I left. But, not for this book. And throughout the whole journey, I was suprised, we, Malaysian have best authors, too!

Do spend some time and read the book!