Tuesday, March 29, 2016

You, and I



You be the kissing blossoms,
I’ll be the sipping fragrance
You say all the cynical jokes,
I’ll be the laughter that rings in the air
You'll be the script,
I, the writer of the story
You be the pixie dust,
I’ll be the magic spell
You be the colors,
I’ll be the rainbow
You be the dark black ink,
That spells all the romantic words.

I’ll be the cursive writing,
That adds beauty to your song.
Together, we could be a poem,
With all the perfections.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Not all Dads are the best dad, like Mine

What a life without pain and grief?
A world with immature, not wise humans.

Meeting an uncle whose daughter was in relationship with a person that I had a complicated relationship is unforgettable.

I did had a thought of why he keep asking about that guy each time he meets me. Well, if he meets me, he should ask about me. To be obedient, I always feed him the answer eventhough it irritates me.

At first, when he asked me, I was shy but I realised he knew our relationship and accepted it.

Until few days back when I met him. He asked about me, and again running back to the same scenario, how is him and what is he doing.

What He did not know is that I am over it. I left because I saw as I'm not the One in his life..
There is pain where words plastered on it
There is tears where smiles plastered on it
There is hollowness where yet to be cemented.
Yet we move on and show we are strong and survived.

To his question, I answered and he replied,' Yes, my daughter also said the same, he is ba, bla, bla'.

Where it went wrong?
I admit I am possessive, and I don't believe in friendship after break up. This where my problem lies.

Answer me, will you accept to be a man's partner if you find he still keep her things and asking you to accept them? Then, you are not the One and he is not over it.

The answer that uncle gave me just tore off the little faith that I had. I got the answer of why he kept asking me about that guy.

He knew about him and his whereabouts through his daughter and yet he asked. Maybe he wants them to patch up. I assume. Don't blame me.
And, definitely as a father he is sad that his daughter had a broken heart. That was six years ago.

Would he be happy is her daughter in relationship, yet his daughter's boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's dad told her the same? That they are still in contact? And he is still checking on their relationship is good a(as friend or whatever you wanna say)? And he is happy that are still keeping in touch?

He may grief for his daughter and I felt a pang in my heart for his words. He wants his daughter to be happy.

Didn't he think that I'm also another man's daughter? I'm like one of his daughter?

All the incident mentioned took place in a temple. I closed my eyes, uttered Gods' name to give me strength and accepted that it's all His way of highlighting things to me.

Not all Dads are the best dad, like mine. Others' kids are also his kids.







Friday, December 19, 2014

The book that suprised me :)

Lately, I'm stuffing myself with books. Yes. There are too many books that I haven't touched. And they are collecting dust.

Plus, true readers will always read the book before presenting to someone, and another true book worm would definitely understand that no one can give without knowing the story. And they don't get offended over yellow stained pages :).  That is, we are.

i have never read book by Malaysian author. I do not know why. Maybe they were not famous and that I know none of them. Till I realised I actually bought a book by Malaysian author, The Flight of The Swan by D. Devika Bai. Before proceeding I asked myself if I want to read the book (I see now that I have little confidence in Malaysian author writing a good story).

The story started about a war in Killa (I feel boring) and I thought if it is going to be about war the whole story, I should just put down the book. I thank God I did not make such wrong move. The story was incredibly rich with culture and history. I just fallen in love with how the story goes.

The story covered up to four generations with first Captain Bhonsle in Killa running with his parents and new wife to another place when the Rani was killed. From there, the story of his kids and grandsons took place. When the Rani died, a flight of swans flew over on the sky. And, the story was busied on Captain Ramdas Bhonsle's life. The farm life they had in Champakapur and the love between his wife and him. The love was not told by describing on the physique but rather on the pure love of husband and wife. It was a wonderful read.


Imagining Penang in my greatgrandparents era made wonders too. It was not easy to imagine with many bushes and grasses and one beautiful point: the author wrote on the close relation among Malay, Indian and Chinese at that time. To be honest, something that has died in between us.

The bad habit that I have, whenever I certain books and I find it draggy, I will jump to the ending and read them, then continue back from where I left. But, not for this book. And throughout the whole journey, I was suprised, we, Malaysian have best authors, too!

Do spend some time and read the book!


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I just need to talk to someone, and I found you, my blog.

I feel like crying. Cry very hard.
But I can't even weep.
My heart feels numb, yet I can feel my heart is crying. The sound is intense.

The truth is, 
I feel like a failure.
Failure because I compared myself with others.
Realising they are way smarter than me.
Yet, I can't be without comparing.

You either break that and emerge as a successful person or
you build humongous wall surrounding you

It takes one person to ruin your whole life.
It's worst when that happens during your mid-life crisis.
It's either I can't cry at all, or I cry till morning.

Yes, I feel like a failure,not able to do anything extraordinary.

A real failure.


Monday, April 28, 2014

Random post of marriage and past lover

Gender issues- only one, discrimination.
Men enjoy everything and women have to become activist to reap equal portions of everything men enjoys.
It is always like that, and it will be like that forever. I’m not going to write on this, there are plenty on this issue. Mine is more on a relationship, marriage angle. Well, you don’t need experience to write on this. Just try to be in other's shoe and feel it.
Marriage.
When it comes to arranged marriages, both or either one must have faced an ugly love relationship previously. They get frustrated and let parents decide for them (Indians).
No difference to love marriages. Many come with a past. It is common, and I personally would say it is better if you fall in and out of love once. You would know how to love and appreciate the next one even better.
But, the biggest mistakes many commit is bringing the past luggage into the new relationship and expecting the partner to understand you can’t let the past go. I bet you would not understand my previous statement. Your heart aches when you see your past lover with another person. Think again, your new lover would feel the same. If you don’t let go of past, don’t find a new one. You make all parties unhappy.
I heard a story from a male friend. They have both separated for few years, and they are ‘free’ from those feelings. But, they keep whatever gifts they exchanged, and still wearing them. This is lovely, and you can keep, if you are single. You started dating another girl and you tell her all these, and you expect her to understand that you can’t let go of the past. Now, please let go of the new lover. She deserves a better one.
What if the new girlfriend brings in the same story? No, girls should never come with this past, and guys rarely chose such girls as their better half. (typical Indian men mentality).
I have always thought; instead of you think how your spouse can make you happy (you know-homely, nice, loving, etc, etc), why don’t you think how you can make your spouse happy?
I questioned if at later stage when he get married to another woman, will he throw away all these. The reply was, ‘no, even if it gets worn out, I will still keep it; throwing away is negative feelings. and there is no such thing as past’
I should have asked what if your spouse also keeps all this from her past relationship. I missed that. Bringing your past to your current relationship will only be sufferings. Imagine, one day we both going for a movie, and I wear a lovely blue frocks that my ex bought for me. Would you, young man not feel hurtful, even at the slightest?
And that is when I made my toughest decision ever; not to marry such man. My dream is to build a happy family, not to be a divorcee after few years (when no man can’t tolerate women with few pasts, women too, can’t tolerate if she is not the only one for him). Dreams which all women have always had; A happy family, with loving husband and beautiful kids. A place called home.