Monday, April 23, 2018

You will search

third quarter of 2010 - third quarter of 2014
first quarter of 2015 -  first quarter of 2018

These were the years. The years I succumbed again and again to unloving, opportunistic people.
The worst years in my life. Surrounded by venomous people.

They could have shown what it feels
having butterflies in stomach,
taste of tiny raindrops,
warmth of sunny afternoon

They could have shown how it feels
hearing the beep on the phone,
daydreaming on sunny, warm day
gazing at nothingness in the night,
being lost n the right direction.

But, perhaps they find cheating and hurting game is better.
Always keeping an option.
Being an option will always bring you heart ache, mental stress.

Or maybe, I chose the wrong ones. That sounds better.

I left, brave and proudly. I have given enough time and chances.

Time always heals. They do. Just give time some time.

I just hope, these people will learn to value and appreciate people around them. I hope they regret for not being able to value people and their time. 
I hope they regret for not appreciating efforts, care and utmost priority shown to them.

They will turn back and see there was one who choose to sit and discuss than to nag non-stop, one who put full trust on yourself and never once suspected, one who had gave words and strength, and one fine day that one person chose to leave the filthy treatment they get in the name of relationship and friendship.

We trust in God, and I trust in myself.

Friday, February 23, 2018

I cant absorb the deep, unconditional love. It feels painful.

I have always been a Prithviraj’s fan, maybe not really because I never watched any other his movies from other languages apart from Tamil.
Today, while listening to songs from Youtube, I directly came across the beauty, Sija Rose and googled to know more of her works.
That’s where Ennu Ninte Moideen caught my eyes. I have seen the banners and posters on Prithvi’s fb fanpage, but never did a background research about the movie.
I was extremely shocked to know that the film inspired by a true life event, and the lover is still alive.
It just made me speechless.
How on earth can one love someone so dearly? Someone who loved like normal couples for just a mere one year, until the parents found out and punished the lovely couple in the most painful way; strict house arrest.
How can someone never see each other for TEN years, yet still loves the person so dearly?
What kind of love is that? I tried to imagine and have a feel, No, I wasn’t gifted to feel that love.

That love, that beautiful love, is a blessings or a sin?
How beautiful it is, though never unite, yet I feel that love has won.
That love, that feared no religion
That love, that fears neither relatives nor community
What love is that?
That love, that remained young and feared no aging
That love, that remained loyal and firm
That love, that defined PATIENCE extraordinarily
That love, that faith alone prevailed
What love is that?
How to love someone like that?
Pure madness?

Should I call myself cursed since I was never felt that love, or should I call myself blessed not to go through the turmoil of being separated for over 25 years.

Kanchanamala and Moideen
One can love another eternally, when love are expressed poetically.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Being indian, nt being myself

You can get a taste of hell if you are 29, born in an Indian family and not married.

That's a very painful thing. Worse when these community keep mentioning and you get influenced. That social media, you see their engagement, wedding,  first child etc.

That leaves a big impact. You start questioning yourself, your past Karma. You even compare yourself which seriously deflates your self esteem.

Unlucky, and as far as Indian community concerned, you cant do anything as you are nt sumangali, though you are pious woman.

Why the love never stays in your life?

Theory is simple.
Indian woman is mentally and emotionally dead when
i) the husband is dead
ii) she is unmarried  while her younger cousins are getting married.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

I cant find myself

Why love have to be so painful?

Why do the skies and rainbows
have to make me sail the stormy sea,
all the time?

To whom should I explain that I'm tired?
Why the same sky never brought me
an ear to listen
and a shoulder for support?

Im tired.

I'm a normal woman, afterall.

Bit by bit, I have lost the old me.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

If I could capture
the colors that enveloped the evening,
The magic.
The absolute beauty.

Transfixed I am,
to the dance of the colors
that painted the sky.

The moon came.
after the world has chosen to fade away,
It was a little chaotic, but He made it safe and sound.
Closing my eyes, I sway..
To the rhythm of waves
The music starts to fade,
As I slowly slip into the lullaby,
and live those emotions,
The salty breeze
brings back the sweet memories

If only,
I could freeze that time
And save that nothingness moment