Monday, April 28, 2014

Random post of marriage and past lover

Gender issues- only one, discrimination.
Men enjoy everything and women have to become activist to reap equal portions of everything men enjoys.
It is always like that, and it will be like that forever. I’m not going to write on this, there are plenty on this issue. Mine is more on a relationship, marriage angle. Well, you don’t need experience to write on this. Just try to be in other's shoe and feel it.
When it comes to arranged marriages, both or either one must have faced an ugly love relationship previously. They get frustrated and let parents decide for them (Indians).
No difference to love marriages. Many come with a past. It is common, and I personally would say it is better if you fall in and out of love once. You would know how to love and appreciate the next one even better.
But, the biggest mistakes many commit is bringing the past luggage into the new relationship and expecting the partner to understand you can’t let the past go. I bet you would not understand my previous statement. Your heart aches when you see your past lover with another person. Think again, your new lover would feel the same. If you don’t let go of past, don’t find a new one. You make all parties unhappy.
I heard a story from a male friend. They have both separated for few years, and they are ‘free’ from those feelings. But, they keep whatever gifts they exchanged, and still wearing them. This is lovely, and you can keep, if you are single. You started dating another girl and you tell her all these, and you expect her to understand that you can’t let go of the past. Now, please let go of the new lover. She deserves a better one.
What if the new girlfriend brings in the same story? No, girls should never come with this past, and guys rarely chose such girls as their better half. (typical Indian men mentality).
I have always thought; instead of you think how your spouse can make you happy (you know-homely, nice, loving, etc, etc), why don’t you think how you can make your spouse happy?
I questioned if at later stage when he get married to another woman, will he throw away all these. The reply was, ‘no, even if it gets worn out, I will still keep it; throwing away is negative feelings. and there is no such thing as past’
I should have asked what if your spouse also keeps all this from her past relationship. I missed that. Bringing your past to your current relationship will only be sufferings. Imagine, one day we both going for a movie, and I wear a lovely blue frocks that my ex bought for me. Would you, young man not feel hurtful, even at the slightest?
And that is when I made my toughest decision ever; not to marry such man. My dream is to build a happy family, not to be a divorcee after few years (when no man can’t tolerate women with few pasts, women too, can’t tolerate if she is not the only one for him). Dreams which all women have always had; A happy family, with loving husband and beautiful kids. A place called home.

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