I'm going to 'facebook' my problem in my blog.
I'm not furious to use caps lock and exclamation marks thousand times. No, it's not that sort of anger. This is a silent, sad anger.
An educator should inspire, motivate a student, and should know all the paperwork procedures related to their field. An educator should make learning is fun.
My case is totally different here.
I'm not hating what I studied, but the system made me hate it. The educator made me hate it. And hate her, too.
I finished my pre-viva presentation last year Sept, before the supervisor leaves to oversea for sabbatical of three months. Three months which is enough for processing my notice of theses submission.
Before she leaves, she never send my letter, instead she said, if she has found the three panels, I can straight away submit my notice, and my thesis. This, she said, the three month time is the time for them to search for examiners. so, if I have my panels, I do not need to wait for three months.
I doubted at first, but later I decided not to overdo her, she's the boss. So, she came back this January, called me to meet her and send in the notice. I, as innocent as ever, happily asked if she's found the examiner and I can submit my thesis.
"No, Renuka, you have to wait for three months". (And, that means, I need to pay the fees next month).
Not a single word I uttered. I was dumbfounded. Later, I realised she haven't found a panel, and I don't know what the heck she was doing during her sabbatical. (She said she will do all the paperwork through email).
On another side, I'm the only student to finish Masters in two and a half years under her. The rest have been there for 4-6 years. I'm not judging, but I feel something not fine.
The anger that just went silent. You can't scream, and you start hating studies.
The small funny side: you become a philosopher. To all students, work after you finish your degree. Because then you will know, what Masters you need to continue, depending on your current job. And at 25, you won't feel stressed and pressurized.
Again, no, i'm not furious. All I'm going to do is pray, ask for a calm and peaceful mind. Oh, I forgot to mention, I just finished crying. Well, that's one of the way to ease the burden.
Dear Lord, I seek refuge under your lotus feet, to give me a peaceful mind, to grant me a heart that forgives the heartless people, the strength to handle worst situations. All I need is for You to hold my hand and guide me. I trust in your decision.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Something to ponder
Something to ponder, in fact something that I found weird.
I realize that to whom we are attached the most, to them we share most of our feelings, emotions. To them we open up everything, becoming vulnerable. Then we realize, they are the one who does everything that hurts us. Shattering our heart, chopping them to chunks, slitting them to pieces. We can't blame them. It was our mistake for trusting, believing that they are capable of making us feel happy.
Why is that the one that we love are the ones that hurts us too much?
To them we tell everything, they know us very well, more deep than others. Yet, how come they could do something that will break our heart?
'Being in others shoes'
I strictly believe this quote can save many friendships and relationships if one really understand it. They expect this and that from you. You do for them. And of course you expect something from them, too. They fail to meet your demand. This frustrates you.
Stop blaming my expectations that lead to frustration. It was your character that frustrated me. If you do not expect anything, be it friendship or relationship, then there is something wrong. Either you are tired of them or you dislike them.
Just a simple example: If you want to give respect you, I demand the same from you. If you would like me to wear high collared blouse, I expect you to give extra attention to me.
They demanded, and you do for them. You demanded, they show their 'don't care' attitude. When someone else asks for a favour, they can help, but when you ask, either they take time to respond to you, or they pretend as though they are busy.
What is this? Come on! Girls seriously hate this!
And men claim they can't read womens' thought. So, we sometimes become brave enough to actually spill our emotions. Yet, our feelings are not respected/ important. They just continue doing what they like. Not even a little of toleration. Women have to tolerate, all the time.
This where we take decision NOT to tell men anything.
I know there are gentlemen who does some unexpected things that admirably could sweep off a girls' feet, but wouldn't it make them a lot happier if you do something that they asked, too? Forget the ego, duh~ don't make me start about it.
(Finally, I do not know how to end this, its 1.30am. Thanks to the neverending rain that motivated me to scribble my thoughts, or should I say, 'Generally, All women's thought'.
Good night!
I realize that to whom we are attached the most, to them we share most of our feelings, emotions. To them we open up everything, becoming vulnerable. Then we realize, they are the one who does everything that hurts us. Shattering our heart, chopping them to chunks, slitting them to pieces. We can't blame them. It was our mistake for trusting, believing that they are capable of making us feel happy.
Why is that the one that we love are the ones that hurts us too much?
To them we tell everything, they know us very well, more deep than others. Yet, how come they could do something that will break our heart?
'Being in others shoes'
I strictly believe this quote can save many friendships and relationships if one really understand it. They expect this and that from you. You do for them. And of course you expect something from them, too. They fail to meet your demand. This frustrates you.
Stop blaming my expectations that lead to frustration. It was your character that frustrated me. If you do not expect anything, be it friendship or relationship, then there is something wrong. Either you are tired of them or you dislike them.
Just a simple example: If you want to give respect you, I demand the same from you. If you would like me to wear high collared blouse, I expect you to give extra attention to me.
They demanded, and you do for them. You demanded, they show their 'don't care' attitude. When someone else asks for a favour, they can help, but when you ask, either they take time to respond to you, or they pretend as though they are busy.
What is this? Come on! Girls seriously hate this!
And men claim they can't read womens' thought. So, we sometimes become brave enough to actually spill our emotions. Yet, our feelings are not respected/ important. They just continue doing what they like. Not even a little of toleration. Women have to tolerate, all the time.
This where we take decision NOT to tell men anything.
I know there are gentlemen who does some unexpected things that admirably could sweep off a girls' feet, but wouldn't it make them a lot happier if you do something that they asked, too? Forget the ego, duh~ don't make me start about it.
(Finally, I do not know how to end this, its 1.30am. Thanks to the neverending rain that motivated me to scribble my thoughts, or should I say, 'Generally, All women's thought'.
Good night!
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Happy Birthday, Renuka :)
September has left, welcoming October with monsoon rain. How I wish I could just stay cuddled up all day, with a cup of hot cocoa.
The month that I adore, the month that I'm always hyper-active, the month that gives a smile on each new day, the month of festivals and colors, the month of my BIRTHDAY!!!
Here I am, blowing my 25 candles on Oct 12th.
On this special day, I seek the lotus foot of God for my betterment.
The years past did taught me many things. And I thought that's life.
The month that I adore, the month that I'm always hyper-active, the month that gives a smile on each new day, the month of festivals and colors, the month of my BIRTHDAY!!!
Here I am, blowing my 25 candles on Oct 12th.
On this special day, I seek the lotus foot of God for my betterment.
The years past did taught me many things. And I thought that's life.
I was wrong. My life started at 23. Yes, I learned what life is; economically. I haven't talk about relationships and family. Not yet. Life pushed so hard, deteriorating my health and education. To an extent, I swear I thought I can never cope with these. All I do is just pray. Pray. And here I am, truly thankful to Him, instilling faith in me.
The end of comfort zone showed me the other me, who strongly passed the hurdles.
The only thing that I missed so much during that moments was a friend. A friend to talk to. Sometimes, we can't face so much burden alone. We just need a listener. Being introvert, I had hundreds of friends to socialise but not a single to share my situation.
And, now, my true best friend is none other than Narayan Himself.
Learning from my past, may this birthday brings me loads of happiness and inner peace. May I grow old in age but grow younger at heart. May I grow in compassion, less in temper. A wiser and confident person.
~The
best writing comes out when you find yourself broken. It's like your
heart gets ripped open and all the feelings spill out into a beautiful
mess on paper~
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Food for thought-the mid 20s crisis
Reaching mid 20s, anyone who do not go through this phase, there's something wrong with you :)
Mid 20s is the most critical phase of life. Finishing degree, believing that a scroll capable of securing a job for you.And then realising that there more thousands more with you on the run hunting for the exact job you wanted. You'll lose stamina and motivation. Just believe this :
And you get tired with your job. The same work, the demanding boss, the competitive colleagues. Not to mention discrimination. You're no more productive. Your works stay behind.
And you get this 'disease' :
And, you have this weird feelings that leaves you feeling empty.
This is the 20s crisis, from what I've seen happening among the 20s'. Well, I'm still configuring what I'm doing, and what I'll be doing. And, of course, there must be something served on my plate, just not now.
In the meantime, enjoy life. Have fun. You will not get this in 30s.
I always think of being kids again. Now, I've drop this out of my consideration. I can never be one. But, hey, I can hangout with one or two of them. Instead of being stress free kid, I can LEARN how to feel free of stress, despite of the stress I'm having.
Don't get drowned in dilemma. Just surf! You will made it through! Sayonara!
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
October Baby
I watched 'October Baby' yesterday, to fill my boredom. What can I say, I felt very sleepy, yet I forced myself to finish watching it, despite knowing it will be aired again in two days time.
October Baby- I assumed somehow this might be about a teenage girl born in month of Oct, possessing Libran's personality (lame!). But, I was right at one part, she was born in month of Oct.
This is a very different story. I can relate this movie to movies like 'Taare Zameen Par, Fashion, etc' where the world is given a chance to see the real image of an individual life, which you would've never imagined. But, this is entirely different.
You may heard about abortion, but a failed abortion?
No. Well, I didn't.
The story starts with a young girl, Hanna having asthma, depression suddenly collapsing on the stage. Being examined by the doctor, she was told that she was adopted, and that was from a failed abortion. Angry that her adopted parents have never told her, and her biological mother never wanted her, she set to Alabama with her friends to find for an answer from her mother.
Things get harder when the clinic she was born closed and caught by police for breaking into the clinic. Then, when Hanna and Jason (Hanna's childhood friend, cared a lot for Hanna, later becoming her sweetheart) with the help of the police found the nurse who was with Alyssa Porter during her abortion.
Hanna had a twin brother, Jonathon, who died hours after born. Not a doctor myself, just got to know, 'they' are called cells, not babies. Jonathon was born without hands, as the 'cells' accidentally were ripped off, while being removed. Hanna was the survivor. The nurse hand down the wrist tag, bearing Hanna's mother's name, born 7th Oct 1991. She had her name changed, for she wanted to go to school, have a career. By this time, I was completely (mentally and emotionally) engrossed in the movie.
Meeting her mother with a new family, just to realise she didn't care about her, Hanna went back with her adopted father. When she knew all the truths which was hard to fathom, she went to a nearby church, were her mother always spend her time.
She learnt anger is not a solution, that by forgiving everyone, you attain your freedom and happiness.
Ending of the movie, Hanna going her brother's tomb, and leaving a small note to her biological mother, saying 'I forgave you', Hanna goes to college with Jason.
The adopted father, loved Hanna so much, that he couldn't bear losing her. To me, I feel everything was son fine about the movie. The only thing that was quite weird was Hanna's friend, Jason. Jason is a cool and handsome guy, being the popular guy in college. So many girls after him, and he cares a lot for Hanna, even leaving his girlfriend to help Hanna in search of her mother. As all movies have shown us that popular guys normally not kind-hearted, this was totally different. Maybe I'll take some time to accept Jason's character.
If you pay enough attention, you would actually feel being in Hannah's shoe, and that you too, almost cry knowing your past. The most unforgettable, was when Hanna questioned on why her mother not wanting her, what mistake she did. The perspective of abortion from the child's view was shown under the microscope.
This is a very good movie, as it has made me googled to learn more about abortion, shocking me that abortions had been done since 1868! Wonderful actors, lots of food for thought, and you will never think of under-age pregnant and abortion.
This movie is highly recommended, and there is no obscene as well :)
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October Baby- I assumed somehow this might be about a teenage girl born in month of Oct, possessing Libran's personality (lame!). But, I was right at one part, she was born in month of Oct.
This is a very different story. I can relate this movie to movies like 'Taare Zameen Par, Fashion, etc' where the world is given a chance to see the real image of an individual life, which you would've never imagined. But, this is entirely different.
You may heard about abortion, but a failed abortion?
No. Well, I didn't.
The story starts with a young girl, Hanna having asthma, depression suddenly collapsing on the stage. Being examined by the doctor, she was told that she was adopted, and that was from a failed abortion. Angry that her adopted parents have never told her, and her biological mother never wanted her, she set to Alabama with her friends to find for an answer from her mother.
Things get harder when the clinic she was born closed and caught by police for breaking into the clinic. Then, when Hanna and Jason (Hanna's childhood friend, cared a lot for Hanna, later becoming her sweetheart) with the help of the police found the nurse who was with Alyssa Porter during her abortion.
Hanna had a twin brother, Jonathon, who died hours after born. Not a doctor myself, just got to know, 'they' are called cells, not babies. Jonathon was born without hands, as the 'cells' accidentally were ripped off, while being removed. Hanna was the survivor. The nurse hand down the wrist tag, bearing Hanna's mother's name, born 7th Oct 1991. She had her name changed, for she wanted to go to school, have a career. By this time, I was completely (mentally and emotionally) engrossed in the movie.
Meeting her mother with a new family, just to realise she didn't care about her, Hanna went back with her adopted father. When she knew all the truths which was hard to fathom, she went to a nearby church, were her mother always spend her time.
She learnt anger is not a solution, that by forgiving everyone, you attain your freedom and happiness.
Ending of the movie, Hanna going her brother's tomb, and leaving a small note to her biological mother, saying 'I forgave you', Hanna goes to college with Jason.
The adopted father, loved Hanna so much, that he couldn't bear losing her. To me, I feel everything was son fine about the movie. The only thing that was quite weird was Hanna's friend, Jason. Jason is a cool and handsome guy, being the popular guy in college. So many girls after him, and he cares a lot for Hanna, even leaving his girlfriend to help Hanna in search of her mother. As all movies have shown us that popular guys normally not kind-hearted, this was totally different. Maybe I'll take some time to accept Jason's character.
If you pay enough attention, you would actually feel being in Hannah's shoe, and that you too, almost cry knowing your past. The most unforgettable, was when Hanna questioned on why her mother not wanting her, what mistake she did. The perspective of abortion from the child's view was shown under the microscope.
This is a very good movie, as it has made me googled to learn more about abortion, shocking me that abortions had been done since 1868! Wonderful actors, lots of food for thought, and you will never think of under-age pregnant and abortion.
This movie is highly recommended, and there is no obscene as well :)
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