Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Nevermine, time heals

I'm going to 'facebook' my problem in my blog.
I'm not furious to use caps lock and exclamation marks thousand times. No, it's not that sort of anger. This is a silent, sad anger.

An educator should inspire, motivate a student, and should know all the paperwork procedures related to their field. An educator should make learning is fun.

My case is totally different here.
I'm not hating what I studied, but the system made me hate it. The educator made me hate it. And hate her, too.
I finished my pre-viva presentation last year Sept, before the supervisor leaves to oversea for sabbatical of three months. Three months which is enough for processing my notice of theses submission.

Before she leaves, she never send my letter, instead she said, if she has found the three panels, I can straight away submit my notice, and my thesis. This, she said, the three month time is the time for them to search for examiners. so, if I have my panels, I do not need to wait for three months.

I doubted at first, but later I decided not to overdo her, she's the boss. So, she came back this January, called me to meet her and send in the notice. I, as innocent as ever, happily asked if she's found the examiner and I can submit my thesis.

"No, Renuka, you have to wait for three months". (And, that means, I need to pay the fees next month).

Not a single word I uttered. I was dumbfounded. Later, I realised she haven't found a panel, and I don't know what the heck she was doing during her sabbatical. (She said she will do all the paperwork through email).

On another side, I'm the only student to finish Masters in two and a half years under her. The rest have been there for 4-6 years. I'm not judging, but I feel something not fine.

The anger that just went silent. You can't scream, and you start hating studies.

The small funny side: you become a philosopher. To all students, work after you finish your degree. Because then you will know, what Masters you need to continue, depending on your current job. And at 25, you won't feel stressed and pressurized.

Again, no, i'm not furious. All I'm going to do is pray, ask for a calm and peaceful mind. Oh, I forgot to mention, I just finished crying. Well, that's one of the way to ease the burden.

Dear Lord, I seek refuge under your lotus feet, to give me a peaceful mind, to grant me a heart that forgives the heartless people, the strength to handle worst situations. All I need is for You to hold my hand and guide me. I trust in your decision.