Monday, December 31, 2012

No, I don't have a resolution.

Dec 31st, and I haven't penned down my New Year resolution. No time, and seriously I don't even know that Christmas is over.

I feel weird. My intuition keep stressing that I'm matured ( I doubt myself) and face the reality; you ain't gonna follow any of your resolutions. So, just follow the flow, He had been with you and will always guide you. Be yourself and change your bad habits. That's it.

Seriously, I need to find a lock for my mouth. The moment they piss me off, I couldn't control my tongue. Next thing I know, I'll be regretting over what I've uttered. Shame on me.

Aiming to finish my studies. I will!!! I will finish my studies. Finish it asap, without any distractions.

When I'm finished, I'll leave that place. I will never look back or miss my master studies. I've gone through too much. Maybe compared to others, it's just a very small scale but to me, it's unbearable.Well, the education didn't impact me, some emotional-malfunction-mental-torture-depression-tears-reality-unpredictable- life-shit-happens led me to this situation.

I'll land on a job. Right now, I don't bother what job is it. Just that, as long as I could save money, get some leave on mid-Dec. I'll be the most happiest lady!!. What happiness can one get if not seeing Him on Margazhi; in His home in Sriranggam? I can imagine getting goosebumps and teary if I see Him on Margazhi.

I need to read. I need to polish my language. A lot. Right now, I engage my time with novels,but a lazy pig don't search for meanings when do not know the meaning. I just assume the meaning all the

Finally, as I've said before. The heart is very evil. And it can't stand firm on a decision. Damn the heart. One day, the heart says ' Ignore it, just live your life, God knows'. The next day, it'll say 'you shouldn't have done that'..And the next day 'oh, we made a mistake, I think you should cry,you'll feel better'.

Kill the heart. A blissful life will be yours.

(sigh, If only heart can be killed---oh my, I just get it. you know what, God simply give the heart the utmost function :to pump oxygen. He knows if emotional thing were felt somewhere on arms, legs, thighs, people can just cut or amputate and throw away if it's depressing them. By feeling in the heart, you can't kill the heart, you will eventually die) get the meaning, heartbroken=die walaoweh...

This what happens when I do not write points before blogging, I keep blabbering all the time and run out of the topic.

That's all for 31st Dec. See you next year!!

Sunday, December 30, 2012


 I couldn't stop laughing reading this and yes, I had nothing to do :P

 I don't know who is that guy but they claim he is a designer. He design clothes for celebrities.

Have a good Sunday !!!!

Saturday, December 29, 2012


NEW DELHI/SINGAPORE (Reuters) - A woman whose gang rape sparked protests and a national debate about violence against women in India died of her injuries on Saturday, prompting a security lockdown in New Delhi and an acknowledgement fromIndia's prime minister that social change is needed.
The six suspects held in connection with the December 16 attack on the 23-year-old medical student on a New Delhi bus were charged with murder following her death, police said. The maximum penalty for murder is death.
"She was courageous in fighting for her life for so long against the odds but the trauma to her body was too severe for her to overcome," Kelvin Loh, chief executive officer of the Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore said in a statement announcing her death from multiple organ failure.
The attack has put gender issues centre stage in Indian politics arguably for the first time. Issues such as rape, dowry-related deaths and female infanticide have rarely entered mainstream political discourse.
Analysts say the death of the woman dubbed "Amanat", an Urdu word meaning "treasure," by some media could change that, although it is too early to say whether the protesters calling for governmentaction to better safeguard women can sustain their momentum through to national elections due in 2014.

A devastating news. Bet this news have been screaming loudly on every nation's headlines for more than a week.

Rape takes place everywhere across the world, be it America or India. Difference: In America, the educated rapes, in India, the uneducated rapes. It happens all the time, but we don't hear them because many fear of their dignity.
News of Daamini went viral on the net. I was astounded with the rape statistics shown. Goodness, have I been blind and deaf?

A death penalty can never teach people about rape.  Just a death penalty?
Few secs of torture..that can never equal to 3 weeks of severe mental and physical torture/abuse Daamini went through.

Well, I will not talk about the nightmare she went through. I tried imagine how would she felt at that moment, that second. And I was happily enjoying my dinner every minute when she was struggling for her life there. It is inconceivable that they actually insert a rusted rod iron, and throwing her off from a moving bus.  Don't call them animals, please. Animal have hearts, they don't.

Why do people rape? To fulfill their desire, lust? What about inserting items, hurting physically? Is it considered as desert after rape? I'm not making fun, but that medical student could have survived and live her dreams if she wasn't tortured like that.

Mahatma Gandhi once said "the day a woman can walk freely on the roads, that day we can say that India achieved independence". Gandhiji spoke the truth.

When will we bid adieu to women abuse?

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Adoption Drive, a cure for gloomy heart

Are you ready to hear me blabbering?

Here I am, like a couch potato, facing my laptop. Back from Adoption Drive, (can you believe, I caught a dog which tried to run away. It has been ages I ran so fast. That big muscular dog, the lovely Bhairavi don't like to stay there..hrmmm), spent time in Straits Quay (well, just 2 days for Christmas, these are places you can get best shots of humongous Christmas tree).

A hectic day, indeed; well that's good if you are trying to get away from some awful problems. But, why is that when you reach home, those thing seeps into your mind again? Isn't that home where your loved ones would be there to ward off those feelings?

Yes, there are there, they will always be there. It's just that you don't feel like sharing with them.Why the heart do not open up to closed ones?

Ah, that's a hard question.
Maybe I don't have the guts to share with them.

But, there is always one place I find solitude and peace. First room, far right corner. Instantly, He'll come and remind me ' You know why you feel sorrow? Because you forget about me, totally'.
And I feel bad about it. I've forgotten Him. How could I?

He has his own ways to console me. And I know my problem is solved. Well, not really but the impact is reduced a little. :)

What happened at the Adoption Drive?
I found that there are actually many kind hearted people. Few cute puppies have been adopted, and donations were a lot!! A lot!! cookies and pet items were sold to raise fund. They even had pets photo frames, looking so classic!
We packed up joyfully at 4pm, feeling satisfied. A few of them sell cupcakes and dog items to raise fund.
Finishing that, we straight headed to Straits Quay. We ordered for 3 coffees in Starbucks, and we get 4. A mistake.  Yee-haw!!!

Oh, sorry, but I can't tell more. I'm feeling very sleepy now.. Nights....

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Old movies are good, sometimes.

Recently, I've been watching lotsa old movies. That's not a symptom showing you are getting older. Well, what you expect when the tv programmes are like that?  When I see the names in black and white and some scratches here and there; OhhhMyyy Godddd, they screwed my Saturday morning!! But after 15mins, I will be enjoying the movie (let us skip the funny dances and weird fights chapter). 

But, here is one of the movies which I've watched few times, yet not getting tired. Listen to these devotional song. Btw, It's a mantra. Same mantra that Kamal Hassan chanted in the new Dasavathaaram.( I bet you'll listen to it now!)

At times, I wonder from where they get such a handsome man to play Vishnu role. or is it the make up?

`Sonnalum kaeddalum, Suvai ootum Naamam'

The divinity of these songs,one can definitely find peace and solitude..
A 1960/70s movie, potrays the ten avatars of Vishnu, Dasavatharam. Color movie A must watch!!  I wouldn't say it's the best movie, but it's the easiest way for you to understanding on Perumal's ten avatharams. But then again, Its just a movie, you can't rely on it. As starting from Parasurama's avatar , the lack of adequate info makes you don't really understand why did He become that, why He become this. Lengthy story, more time, I guess.

By the way, I do adore 'Aval Oru Thodarkathai' a black and white  movie :P

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Teary eyes

With dainty hand
wiping off 
crystal clear cloud 
absconded to
moisten my cheeks

It's conspicuous
glistening eyelashes
dark black kohl smeared concavely
under the eye bag
melancholy mood swirls in the air

a new set of cloud  brimmed the eyes
yearn to warm my cheeks

each drops, 
unravel the truth
loosing knots
of all misapprehensions.
exploring depths of myself
freed myself 
inch by inch, 
from the appaling sorrow.
Cleansed my soul.
With each drops
burdens lifted
feeling  feathery.

the only curable answer
for intangible pains.

Monday, December 17, 2012

I gulped those memories :D

sunny day
Searching solitude.

Big oak branching out
shadowing wooden bench
Sitting quietly 
releasing big sigh
and the delectable memories
start building images
like a slow motion montage

Eyes closed.
re-living those moments again 
those moments, 
those feelings,
warms the heart 
veering to present 
sharp pang struck
leaving intangible pain

you opened your eyes
shooing the images 
the indelible images 
to face the  reality

Murmuring to self
I will make through it..

A duff advice to self on that sunny day

(seriously,  i was kinda drunk while typing the title, so irrelevant) 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

I survived..

Sit, relax yourself
Empty your mind
Inhale deeply
Cry your heart out
You feel calm now
mind searches the problem
that bugging you
Digging everything from yesteryear
All the memories resurfacing
from the dormant section of brain

Cry more, louder this this time
Stop. Breathe and think
Think of everything and everyone that hurts you.
Cry again.
Let your emotion out.

Don't make any decisions
Cry for the last time, until you sleep.

Begin the day like a new leaf
Indulge in

neither past nor memory.

tell yourself

This is not the end.
Hold on, God will never let you down.
Keep going
It's just one of the day, where 'S**t Happens' 
Perhaps Him reminding you of His existence
That you forgot
being swept away into materialistic world.

Quell your feelings
It will never heal, but makes
the wound bigger.

Never look back.
Instead, cry.

You won't die,
but you will survive the treacherous moment.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Where do you see yourself in ten years time?

Where do you see yourself in ten years time?

A friend of mine asked this Q in her status. Like a magnet, it pulled me and I read the entire lengthy post.
It's a simple question which I do not have a definite answer. No, I can't even answer. I don't see my future. Whenever I think of this, I can see only blank. Nothing.
Nevertheless, I agree to her answer, I  leave it to God to carve the right path for me. He knows best.

I'm aimless, low motivation, low inspiration. that what I feel sometimes.
But I'm changing, for a good cause, obviously. I'm a forever student, learning everyday new things on life.

And I've made a habit to ask me this question, I may not see my future, but by this I can motivate myself.

I'm writing this so that whenever I drop by my blog, I will get motivated on my own. :)