Monday, December 31, 2012
No, I don't have a resolution.
Dec 31st, and I haven't penned down my New Year resolution. No time, and seriously I don't even know that Christmas is over.
I feel weird. My intuition keep stressing that I'm matured ( I doubt myself) and face the reality; you ain't gonna follow any of your resolutions. So, just follow the flow, He had been with you and will always guide you. Be yourself and change your bad habits. That's it.
Seriously, I need to find a lock for my mouth. The moment they piss me off, I couldn't control my tongue. Next thing I know, I'll be regretting over what I've uttered. Shame on me.
Aiming to finish my studies. I will!!! I will finish my studies. Finish it asap, without any distractions.
When I'm finished, I'll leave that place. I will never look back or miss my master studies. I've gone through too much. Maybe compared to others, it's just a very small scale but to me, it's unbearable.Well, the education didn't impact me, some emotional-malfunction-mental-torture-depression-tears-reality-unpredictable- life-shit-happens led me to this situation.
I'll land on a job. Right now, I don't bother what job is it. Just that, as long as I could save money, get some leave on mid-Dec. I'll be the most happiest lady!!. What happiness can one get if not seeing Him on Margazhi; in His home in Sriranggam? I can imagine getting goosebumps and teary if I see Him on Margazhi.
I need to read. I need to polish my language. A lot. Right now, I engage my time with novels,but a lazy pig don't search for meanings when do not know the meaning. I just assume the meaning all the time..lol
Finally, as I've said before. The heart is very evil. And it can't stand firm on a decision. Damn the heart. One day, the heart says ' Ignore it, just live your life, God knows'. The next day, it'll say 'you shouldn't have done that'..And the next day 'oh, we made a mistake, I think you should cry,you'll feel better'.
Kill the heart. A blissful life will be yours.
(sigh, If only heart can be killed---oh my, I just get it. you know what, God simply give the heart the utmost function :to pump oxygen. He knows if emotional thing were felt somewhere on arms, legs, thighs, people can just cut or amputate and throw away if it's depressing them. By feeling in the heart, you can't kill the heart, you will eventually die) get the meaning, heartbroken=die walaoweh...
This what happens when I do not write points before blogging, I keep blabbering all the time and run out of the topic.
That's all for 31st Dec. See you next year!!